Spring walks & reminders to my self

*wow really beautiful 2Oh dear friends I really miss you! I can hardly explain my absence from this place. I took some time off because I was busy and feeling a little overwhelmed (could be classic seasonal depression haunting me). I was having a hard time prioritizing- I always do. I sort of over-committed my FREE time to a few things that I am trying to figure out a way of backing out of. Has that ever happened to you? Surely it must have! I just hate it- I feel so guilty! But I’ve know where to make the cuts for a few weeks and I just keep burying my head in the sand and hope that when I finally come up for air -everything will have gone away. Of course I know that this isn’t really going to happen so I am forced to deal with it.

*wow really beautiful views from burgenstockI was walking this morning for both exercise and fresh air. We have had some amazing warm weather for a Swiss springtime and I assure you part of my absence has been because I know when the sun is shining I must get outside and soak it up. The evenings have been spent riveted to the television series True Detective. Have you seen it?! Holy nightmare! This sort of thing is absolute the most horrifying story line imaginable and yes I have had nightmares for much of the last weeks. Ordinarily I would not even watch something like this but have ya’ll seen it?! It’s gripping and after all the nightmares and buildup I really needed some resolution- some justice. This was exceptionally acted and written and all the rest of the yady yady that make us love a show. I think the juxtaposition of modern graphics and old western music in the Opening Title Sequence is excellent- so thumbs up from start to finish. I have definitely been sucked in and there is no doubt that  Matthew McConaughey’s gets my Emmy vote! I digress….

I was walking and it occurred to me that this walk was not time I couldn’t afford to waist (this morning I debated while contemplating my to-do list I debated not going) but time I was investing in my health and peace of mind. I have had to examine what I am doing that is really paying off, really making me happy or that really makes a difference in the happiness of others. I have had to lecture myself on resisting the urge to make a little money if I can – at the cost of stressing myself out and my family ( maybe I will explain more later). I have had to really think about how much time I’ve been wasting in front of the tv. And consider time waisted on self imposed deadlines for things that ultimately do not make a difference in the life or happiness of me or my family or maybe anybody. (Don’t get me wrong – I believe in goals, and personal deadlines help make those a success, but I also think sometimes I have to be flexible enough to decide whats working and whats not and be willing to re-route). Since I am likely in a seasonal depression rut I am simply more unable to juggle a multitude of outside projects. Some day’s it’s tough to get meals on the table. For that reason I really needed to figure out what will bring me the most satisfaction in the end. I also want to note (mostly as a reminder to myself when I go back and re-read this) that because I have been spinning my wheels with these other projects I am definitely not doing an optimal job with my mom responsibilities in a way that I know I can and that I would like to be and that I know will be a more important investment in our future than any piddly freelance gig, workshop I can teach, chair I can repaint, or online class that doesn’t even make a difference to my future.

  • So there you go- I am a hustler at heart but I know that I really need to do a better job at being a mom- which isn’t as easy but will most certainly pay off in the end.
  • I need to keep diet & exercise a priority and probably commit more time to it- crap! Believing this is always going to be such a energy consuming struggle is hard to face but the reality is it’s just something that I need to do (we all do), for me, my family, my health and my mental health. I have let it slip a lot during these cold months. I wish I could check it off the to-do list and move on to something new.
  • I want to keep blogging because it really is fulfilling to me in many ways.
  • I feel that the time I spend in volunteering with church responsibilities is always worth the investment.
  • I have to learn German so I am sticking with it!

Everything else can go.

By the way, we have been searching really hard for a bigger flat with a better view, and a private washing machine- nothing has turned up!! FRUSTRATION! I plan to do a whole post on this eventually. If you hear of a 5.5 zimmer or a 6.5 zimmer in Ennetburgen, Buochs, or Stansstad we want to know! Don’t you just hate moving?!




7 thoughts on “Spring walks & reminders to my self

  1. I think taking care of diet and exercise makes a lot of other stuff fall into place. I just recommitted on Saturday while watching a 200-mile relay that I need to make taking care of my body a priority. It helps the mental stuff if nothing else. Good luck on everything – I love your blog.

    • Thanks Jenna for always reading and understanding where i am coming from! My dear friend andrea (you would love her) reminded me of this talk- https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/forget-me-not?lang=eng
      It’s a great motivation to prioritize correctly and of the rewards we have in store. “My dear Relief Society sisters, you are closer to heaven than you suppose. You are destined for more than you can possibly imagine. Continue to increase in faith and personal righteousness. Accept the restored gospel of Jesus Christ as your way of life.”

  2. Okay, so this post reminds me if one of the major reason I LOVE your blog (please don’t stop it). It helps me to become reaquainted with an old friend….this post resonates with me. I have been, in a sense where you have been and understand what you wrote about….I too have little bouts of depression…it’s so weird, and I wonder if for me it’s hormonal changes…and trying to deal with issues of my past that I’ve been able to keep buried for a long time, but lately, the rise to the surface…I struggle with trying to be the perfect person to EVERYONE, but then ending up feeling line I’ve failed everyone….it’s a constant struggle with me. I feel like I should be working to contribute financially to our family now that the girls are older…but I feel they need me even more now that they are older…I’m probably making no sense, but this post spoke to my spirit, Hollee …like a few of your others have….thank you! I only wish I lived closer and we could have chats b/c I know there is so much more I could learn from you. Thanks for being willing to share yourself. It helps me to know I’m normal…or fairly so. Lol. As I read your post, Elder Uctdorf’s “Forget Me Not” talk kept coming to mind. If you haven’t read or listen to it in a while I highly recommend it..it’s one of my favorites and goes along with everything you was writing about…well maybe not the True Detective Show, lol…which I have never heard of, but if it gives you nightmares, I’m sure it will me too so I think even though it sounds riveting I best stay clear…things like that stuck with me for a long time and I can’t shake nightmares easily. Anyway, I digress…here is the link to Elder Uctdorf’s talk…it so uplifting and I wish I could put on headphones and listen to it while walking those beautiful Switzerland mountain trails! 🙂 btw, if I could make a list if goals…mine would look similar to yours. Love you sweet friend…sorry if my post seems all over the place…your post just has me thinking.

    • My sweet friend, don’t you know why it resinates with you? It’s because I am writing to you! You and Jenna Smith are my best (and only?) readers! If I ever write a book I am sending it to you straight way so I will have the courage to accept all the rejections sure to follow, but knowing that you love it is always enough reason to keep posting!!! I love you comments! I can’t wait for you to read a few really hard and exposing post I am working on about school comparisons and expat living (be prepared to sit down with it that one for a while- its already 3000 words long (an average blog post should run about 500!).

    • Andrea, Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness, I re-listened to this talk and loved it. The “golden ticket” remember was a good one for me to hear again. Also loved the line “My dear Relief Society sisters, you are closer to heaven than you suppose. You are destined for more than you can possibly imagine. Continue to increase in faith and personal righteousness. Accept the restored gospel of Jesus Christ as your way of life.” Andrea, continue to uplift others- you are so good at it!

  3. I can’t wait to read your 3,000+ word post! Please keep writing…if one for me and Jenna. You make a difference, and everyone else is missing out!! Glad you enjoyed listening to that talk again. I listen to it often, especially when I feel the need for a pep-talk. I love the quote you mentioned too…the whole talk is full if so much love! I love it so much that I bought the Willow “Forget Me Not” figurine so I could be reminded of it. 🙂

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