I have had a few bumps in the last few months whilst adjusting to all the changes we have faced. I have moved so many times that I consider myself very proficient at dealing with changes and quick to make friends and find the resources our family needs to feel settled. Since I lived in Switzerland for a few years before (before kids) I figured it would seem familiar. Unfortunately in this situation I seemed to have been overconfident. There have been many days in the last few months where the frustration and difficulties associated with this move have left me in a crumpled pile of tears, ready to give up and abandon the adventure. Fortunately, I have a husband who is not so easily deterred and is generally great about stepping in and trying to find a solution rather than getting emotional and feeling ready to give up. I am lucky to face this journey with a partner.
In my mind I gave myself 6 months to a year to “adjust” ~what ever that meant. I promised my self not to give-up and not to make judgements before then. I promised my friends that I would not likely be back to the states because If I visited before I got adjusted that I would want to come home and stay home. So instead I have tried to stay busy in between little meltdowns and moments of surrender. I have felt sorry for myself and cried and been ready to give up. I have prayed for an easier life. At this moment as I confess my own pathetic tendencies, I am not blind to my own privileged life. I think the lord has given me a little while to have my pitty-party. He has gently picked me up and wiped me off and given me a little more strength.
Today though-I feel humbled and have an enlarged perspective on sorrow, grief and suffering. With in the last 2 days, out of no where, I have had notes from friends appear in my inbox sharing some of their recent and intimate trials. One friend has just been diagnosed with aggressive cancer, another miscarried after a long struggle with infertility, another found out the IVF had failed-again- after years of fertility treatments. THESE are examples of grief- real, life changing grief. Yet my Father in Heaven does not discount my moments of sadness, however insignificant. He is able to comfort us all. For this I am amazed and grateful! I also know that he has put friends in my life to bless me and for me to serve and bless them. I am so grateful! I am grateful to these friends for trusting me with their trials, and for reaching out and sharing their grief~ I really believe it helps. It makes me grateful for my own trials at this moment and truly helps me put life into perspective. I KNOW that while I have not faced the death of a child, I have not faced nine years of infertility, and I have not faced a life threatening illness, I KNOW that it will be okay- what ever the outcome. Our savior is with us if we want him to be. I know I find comfort in prayer and I also feel that my prayers for others are heard. I wish I could take away the suffering we all feel at times, but I know it is part of life and that all our suffering will someday have purpose. I wish I were able to wrap my arms around these dear friends and hold them up for as long as they need, but all I can do is send them my love and pray for their comfort. I KNOW that these bad times will pass and we will look back and feel stronger for having come out on the other side. I KNOW that it is possible even, to be grateful for trials because of the growth and experience that comes in dealing with them. I am grateful for the opportunity that this provides to consider the needs of others, to grieve with them and help be a support, and I hope that if you are reading right now that you will also feel the blessing of friendship, and if you can, please send a payer up for my friends.